I am so flattered that Jenn asked me to provide a guest post for Losing Gamer about me and the book that I co-authored with Cordell Parvin, Say Ciao To Chow Mein: Conquering Career Burnout.Cordell and I met my very first day of my very first job, when I was participating in first-year orientation at the firm’s headquarters, and he emerged from his office to find out where his secretary had gone (she was helping me get the printer set up on my computer!) We bonded over our shared interests in books like Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and he answered my questions about what I needed to do to succeed now that I was a part of BigLaw.
Several months and many email and phone conversations later, Cordell asked me if I would be willing to help him with a parable book he was writing about Tony Caruso, a fictional junior associate at a BigLaw firm who was feeling overwhelmed by the demands of his job. Two years later, Say Ciao To Chow Mein: Conquering Career Burnout was published and I was thrilled to say that I was the co-author. I love that the book reads like a story, but provides practical how-to techniques (such as using SMART Goals) for taking control over your career and your personal life.
Like all of you, I am juggling a host of family and work-related responsibilities. I am a busy litigation attorney trying to do great work for my clients. I am a senior associate who would like to be elevated to partner, who is working on building a book of business. I am also the wife of busy tax attorney and musician. I am daughter helping her father with his new business and her mother with her business. I am a granddaughter, a friend, and a volunteer. Trying to fulfill these roles, and make everyone happy all the time, is—as you might imagine—quite exhausting. Sometimes I feel like there is no time left for me!
Many people talk about having balance in your work and life. Naysayers, on the other hand, say we can’t have it all.
I think that we can have it all, but not all at the same time. I think that what we really want in our lives is control, not balance.
In the beginning of my career, I felt the need to establish myself at work. I put in long hours at the office, working late into the night (and early morning!) and many weekends to prove my value to the firm. During one particularly awful time, I worked over 700 hours in a two month period. At some point, I realized that there was no way I could maintain our home in the way that I desired, so I hired a fantastic cleaning lady to come every two weeks.
While some parts of that time were really difficult, I wouldn’t change that decision at all. I think that new employees should treat their work like deposits into a bank. Over time those deposits will accrue interest—here, goodwill—that can be withdrawn. For instance, after a year as an employee, once I had proven myself as a hard worker, I joined the New York Junior League. Because I had established a reputation as someone who worked hard, my co-workers knew that they could trust my judgment when I told them that it was important for me to leave work early twice a month to volunteer.
As my career advanced, however, I realized that I wasn’t taking enough care of myself. I thought that if I couldn’t take care of myself, how would I be able to take care of the future children that I ultimately hope to have some day? I didn’t want to be a tired zombie who never went to bed before two or three in the morning. I was sick and tired of feeling, well, sick and tired. I realized that I would never have any time for myself if I didn’t treat myself like a priority too.
So, I followed what I preached in Say Ciao To Chow Mein: Conquering Career Burnout. I wrote out a list of personal goals that were Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. I promised myself that I would get 7 hours of sleep at least five nights a week. I made it my goal to go to the gym at least three times a week. And each and every day, when I woke up, I wrote down how many hours I had slept, and I made a note in my blackberry each time I went to the gym. I made the conscious decision to make myself a priority. I continued to bill approximately the same hours at my job, but I changed my schedule so that I would leave work at a regular time, go to the gym, and log back on and resume working from home. This required me to be more efficient—less time spent on Facebook!
Six months later, I found myself going to the gym more than three times a week. I found that my sleep schedule had somewhat readjusted, so that it was a bit easier for me to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. I found that I wasn’t craving unhealthy food as much since I was finally getting enough sleep. I found that I was actually more efficient when I was working because I wasn’t so tired.
After a year, I decided to take the plunge and hire a personal trainer. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see that I am the most fit I’ve been since high school, and I wonder why it took me so long to realize that I could look like that again. I feel powerful and more confident.
Working out hasn’t been a magical panacea—I still get stressed out by work sometimes, and I still feel like there isn’t enough time for me sometimes. But now when I am work and really stressed out, I start to crave the time when I can go home and run on the elliptical, because that will relieve my stress better than anything else (even Twix)! More importantly, I know that I have a realistic plan for changing my behaviors for the better.
I am still not balanced. I spend the vast majority of my time working, but I have a business and personal development plan, and I know that the work I’m doing is helping me move closer and closer to my goals. I am okay with not being balanced though; I have control over my life and the direction in which I’m going. Isn’t control what we’re really looking for—not balance?
No comments:
Post a Comment